The first few months after having a baby are hard in any number of ways. One way a lot of people don’t even consider until it happens to them, is the simple prospect of getting dressed in the morning. Our first baby is 8 weeks old and I find myself struggling about what to wear every day. I’m too big for most of my pre-pregnancy clothes and too small for my maternity wear. Of course, sweatpants and a tank top seem like the most utilitarian option. This outfit (if you can call if that) is conducive to breastfeeding, it’s comfortable, and it’s not a big deal if the outfit gets spit up/ vomit/ other bodily fluids on it. The problem is, wearing sweats day in and day out makes me feel truly yucky. It makes me feel like I don’t care about my appearance and that my identity lies 100 percent in this little person who I spend my days sustaining. I love the little guy, but I can only be a good mother to him if I take care of myself as well.
What you wear every day says a lot about how you’re feeling, how you see yourself and where your priorities lie. Look at the Duchess of Cambridge. I honestly don’t think I’ve ever heard (or read) a single word from her, and yet I find myself liking her and respecting her immensely based solely on the clothes she wears. That’s so crazy! How can I have formed an opinion about someone based purely on her clothes? It’s because what you wear is a powerful way of communicating. Princess Kate wears clothes that are conservative and feminine, so they look graceful and unique. It’s not necessary to be impossibly skinny to pull of this look and feel like a million bucks!
Below are come conclusions I’ve reached upon some soul searching and a good, hard look in the mirror.
1. Lycra is just not the answer: Stretchy waist bands don’t challenge us. Leggings are great occasionally, with a long shirt, but, frankly, sweatpants not worn at night or to the gym make you look like you’ve given up. They make it look like you lack the volition to make yourself look presentable. While that may be true, I don’t think that’s a great message to send your husband, your kids, or people who are looking for inspiration to be open to life. Putting just a little more energy into the way you look will make all the difference in the world!
2. Skirt n’ Shirt- The Best Option: For stay at home moms who are breastfeeding, wearing a pretty, feminine, skirt with a plain, long sleeve tee is a straightforward way to dress functionally and fashionably. For the long, cold winters where I live, the added bonus is that wearing tights works with boots (the only footwear that you can wear outside in the winter). Blue jeans are also an option that I’ve been exploring, but it’s harder to get a good fit when your body is constantly changing postpartum… skirts are just more flexible.
3. Attractive clothes can be washed just as many times as sweatpants: The whole “I don’t want to get yucky stuff on nice clothes” excuse just doesn’t hold up when the clothes are made out of similar materials. It may feel like it doesn’t make sense to wear something nice out of fear of projectiles, but with the skirt and shirt outfit, you can just don another shirt and continue on with your day. It made sense for me to just buy a lot of basic, long sleeve tees that would go with skirts in fun patterns.
3. Attractive clothes don’t have to be uncomfortable: It’s hard to get outside when you have kids. It just is. You have to wrangle all the necessary diapers, carriers, and other incidentals just to take two steps out the door. This makes it easy to literally stay at home all the time. There’s nothing wrong with that, other than the potential to be a little depressing, but if you’re staying home all the time, isn’t it important that you’re just not living in your pajamas? I get that you need to be comfortable, especially when you’re running on little sleep, but wearing pajamas all the time is just not a super healthy way to go through life. Find clothes that are made of fabric that gives and that fit appropriately and you’ll still be comfy!
4. Take advantage of the time your spouse is home: Parenting is for sure a two person job and you and your spouse are a team! Waking up just a few minutes earlier to grab a shower while he’s home before work or having him watch the kids while you do a little shopping or primping will make you feel refreshed and ready to be a better parent. When I’m feeling ugly and unkempt, I’m just not in a great mental space to go the extra mile for our son.
5. Hair and make up are important: Again, feeling attractive makes all the difference to me. It takes less than five minutes for me to put my contacts in and put on a little eyeliner and powder. My hair’s a different story since that can take hours, but just having it washed and in a little updo feels so much better than the knot it’s usually tied up in. It’s also nice to have a pair of go-to earrings that will make you feel dressed up without providing something for your baby to grab while you’re holding him.
6. Be a smart shopper: When clothes shopping, never go feeling hungry or tired. Expect to have to try things on and dress accordingly. Lots of stores have harsh florescent lights, so wear make up and do your hair, you don’t want to feel depressed about how you look as you’re trying on new clothes. If you buy something you feel ambivalent about, it’s unlikely you’ll wear it often. Buying clothes a size too small with the promise to yourself that you’ll lose weight doesn’t work and completely misses the point of why you’re shopping in the first place. You’re looking for clothes that fit you and are flattering, not clothes that fit the size you wish you were. Ultimately, you’ll lose the baby weight, but then your original clothes will fit. This is for right now!
Before the comment box starts filling up with people who say that I’m being too demanding or that I don’t have multiple kids so I don’t know what I’m talking about, relax. I don’t live up to these ideals on a daily basis! This post is meant merely as a humble challenge to myself and others. It’s important to strive to put our best feet forward in everything we attempt, why should the large part of our lives spent as stay at home mamas be any different?