I have talked more about poo in the past three months of being a mother than I have collectively over my entire life. I get crazy excited about buying new cloth diapers. I read about breastfeeding while actually breastfeeding. It makes sense that I talk about what I spend most of the day doing: cleaning up bodily fluids, feeding, and playing with a baby who will, eventually, call me mama. This does, however, make it hard to keep friends who don’t have kids and it makes it hard to remember what the heck I did before we had Peter three months ago.
So what about the Mary I was before Peter? Does she just evaporate and cease to exist? I think many would say yes, but I disagree. Owing largely to the fact that I was lectured ad nauseum on this when I was pregnant from both my biological mother and women I’ve worked with, I think it’s essential to hold on to the parts of you that make you distinctly you, apart from your children. It’s not easy. I can’t imagine it gets easier as you have more children. Your attention is demanded of constantly and it’s hard to get some time to yourself to do things you truly enjoy doing. When you do get that time, it’s tempting to sleep, watch television or do something else that doesn’t require any sort of brain power.
In college, I read a lot of Betty Friedan. At the time, I was appalled at some of her views. She thought that women staying at home with their children was offensive to a woman’s intellect, since women are capable of so much more. She thought being a stay at home mom was beneath women and that all women would be happier in the work place. I obviously continue to disagree with her. I think being a stay at home mom is an honor, a privilege and a blessing. I love the hours I spend talking, singing and playing with our baby. However, I’m beginning to understand why she’d think stay at home moms feel isolated and want more out of life. Even if it’s not a career, I think everyone needs a hobby, friends, and or some sort of occupation to be happy. I don’t think I could be a stay at home mom forever. I don’t think I could do it if that’s all there was for me. What would I talk to my kids about? How would I teach them about things like justice, honor and virtue if I’d never learned about them myself?
I think some critics would say that when you’re a mom, your entire life should revolve around your children. In a lot of ways, that happens regardless. Kids have their own schedules and needs that must be met by their mamas. At the same time, however, in order to serve my child the best I can, it’s absolutely necessary that I take responsibility for taking care of myself. This can be during nap time, when Peter’s daddy comes home from work or even now, as I write this blog post, the baby is busy swatting toys that dangle above him. He doesn’t need me to be hovering over him, watching each swat. He needs me to be over here, writing, reading some Politico and enjoying my Bach sonatas.